This is What it Feels Like to be Raped by a Paedophile and Shamed by Society
‘When I got inside his house, he was tying a wrapper around his waist and I was wearing a loose-fitting dress. He removed his wrapper and pushed up my dress and then forced himself on me.’
All the times I spoke with Bose and her father will not use the word ‘rape’. They ll repeatedly say ‘he forced himself’.. It is as if rape is too strong a word, too shameful, as if they didnt want to acknowledge the pain.
The age of consent in Nigeria is 18. According to UNICEF, six out of ten children in Nigeria experience emotional, physical or sexual abuse before the age of 18, with half experiencing physical violence. UNICEF reported in 2015 that one in four girls and one in ten boys in Nigeria had experienced sexual violence before the age of 18. According to a survey by Positive Action for Treatment Access, over 31.4% of girls there said that their first sexual encounter had been forced sex.
Bose John (not the actual name) is a petite 13-year-old. She lives with her 76-year-old father, in a cramped one room in a public compound commonly called ‘face me I face you’ in Nigeria. In the past, the poorest of the poor lived in these buildings where almost 100 individuals share a single toilet and bathroom. But these days it’s pretty common to live in those houses. The building is home to at least 15 other poor families.
Bose’s father pastors a small church around Ikotun also close to their home. In September 2020 a neighbour violently rapes her “people could here me screaming that morning, I dont think Daddy Apai cared who heard, because he guessed no one would do anything, no even his wife who he regulated abused physically”.
Her father had gone to church, as usual, leaving Bose to care for herself till he came back. Bose, who wasn’t in school because her father could not afford to pay her fees when schools resumed after the lockdown was playing outside with other children. These children also don’t go to school because their parents can’t afford even the free ( well almost) government schools.
“Daddy Apai called me and said I should go and buy him pure water. He gave me N50.00. I bought the pure water and went to give him, that was when he now told me to come inside. When I got inside the room, he was tying a wrapper around his waist and I was wearing a loose-fitting dress. He removed his wrapper and pushed up my dress and then forced himself on me. I started screaming, and this attracted the attention of another neighbor who forced open the door”
In my intreviews with them, Bose and her father were afraid to use the word ‘rape’. They ll repeatedly say ‘her forced himself’.. rape is too strong a word, too shameful.
Bose said her dress had blood stains and one of the first persons that saw her, an older female neighbour, told her to continue playing, that she shouldn’t let anybody else know. In many cultures, being raped as a child meant that was something wrong with you, and who will marry a girl tainted by rape, the people who love you will want you to keep the incident a secret.
The woman possibly thought she was doing her a favour by asking her to pretend the trauma didn’t happen.
Rape is still a taboo topic in many, if not all parts of Nigeria. Being a rape or paedophilia victim is still something to be ashamed of. More so when the rapist is a ‘respected’ man.
The Paedophile
In the cramped building, Daddy Apai is the only one occupying two rooms, and he also owns a bike. He works as a postal delivery officer, and his wife sells plantains and yams at the local market. Most of the other households in the building do not have two relatively ‘good’ incomes or the means to rent more than a room. Some families even share a room with another family. So in this circumstance, Daddy Apai is ‘the rich and respected man’
I asked her why she didn’t get a change of clothes. ‘ I kept trying to hide my tears. The other children were looking at my bloody clothes and laughing, I was still in pains. But i also knew people shouldnt know what happened to me’.
Her bloodied clothes aroused the suspicions of another neighbour who took her to the hospital and then the police station where they got sperm samples of daddy Apai from the Lagos State Teaching Hospital(LASUTH) Lagos, Nigeria.
According to Ms Okah, ‘ the state I met her in wasn’t good. her dress bloodstained and her eyes were red and puffy from crying, everyone else was going about their business ignoring her apparent sad condition. It wasn’t easy getting the police to come back with me to make the arrest, but I was insistent. Since then I have made a number of enemies in this compound and the whole street.’
Backlash
Police officers from Ikotun Police Station came and took Daddy Apai into police custody, but this isn’t necessarily the end to Bose’s woes.
In her community, many think of her as a rabble-rouser, a loose girl, a seductress even. ‘People stop me on the road and ask me why I went into his room. Why did I report him, how am I sure it is rape, did I seduce him? Was my dress too short? And even when I tell them I did nothing to him, they still do not believe me. Very few people show genuine compassion.’
Mama Stella, the woman who whose son forced the door open for Bose and also the one who told her to pretend nothing happen says ‘ Bose is too mischievous, her father leaves the house every day, he says he is a pastor, no food for the poor girl. How are we sure this is not the first time, or perhaps she went to beg him for food?’
Bose’s father is also facing a backlash from people in the community. ‘People often ask me why I have allowed the police to take away the breadwinner of a family. Why didn’t I try to settle the issue without involving the law? Some openly refer to me as a wicked man. Many don’t care about the damage this has done to my daughter, I have to remind them this is a case being handled by the government,’ When asked if it was up to him to continue seeking Daddy Apai’s procession in a court of justice, he said he probably would give in to the demands of the angry people around because of mounting pressure and fear for his and his daughter’s life.
Bose is also dealing with a lot of self-blame ‘I blame myself for this, she says, “I should have locked myself in the room as my father told me to when he was leaving home in the morning. None of this would happen if I didn’t come out.’
Bose continues, ‘Daddy Apai children don’t talk or play with me anymore, they say I am responsible for their father’s detention, their friends also taunt me and Mummy Apai does not respond to my greeting, she hasn’t told me anything, but she gives me dirty looks and her friends in the building have also joined.’
Some People Believe Her and Support Her
But it is not all doom and gloom for Bose. The Precious Gems Africa Foundation is a charity that started in March 2013 in the United Kingdom. And is registered in the charity commission as a Charitable Incorporated Organisation (CIO). In 2019 they extended our services internationally through our sister charity Precious Gems Africa. They currently carry out charitable activities in the United Kingdom, Nigeria, Tanzania, Ghana, Zimbabwe and Rwanda. More countries are currently being added.
The mission of Precious Gems Charity Foundation is empowering women and girls to unveil, utilise and fulfil their potentials so that they can better meet their needs, develop themselves and their community through the programmes available.
Precious Gems Africa is supporting Bose as she navigates this difficult time. Christine Eziamaka, the Deputy Chief Executive says ‘ Young girls like Bose, drop out of school because of paedophiles who rape them on their way to school, and even when they are at home, they are also not safe from paedophiles, we owe it to our children to protect them from predators and do our best to support them both emotionally and financially. We as a society have to make it safe to be a woman in Nigeria’
There are also members of the community who believe and support her and are joining her in her quest for justice. Her first hearing is for the 7th of December 2020. Also, the Baale of the community is among those to support Bose and her father, while this is comforting to Bose and her father. They wish more people were less focused on keeping the predator’s crime a secret and shaming the victim.
What We Should Do Differently
A paedophile is an adult who chooses children as sexual partners. Children are minors who have not reached the legal age of consent, hence sex with them is consequently rape. In August 2019 the news of a 10-year-old girl, Masenengen Targba, who was delivered of a baby girl at a Makurdi hospital in Benue State, Nigeria went viral. But the unidentified rapist of the minor is still on the run. Or maybe not. The society will sometimes help paedophiles escape accountability.
The rise of paedophilia and rape can only be contained if we change our attitude towards rape and paedophilia. Bose and all the other children who have their childhood forcefully taken from them deserve justice and our support.
People take the side of the oppressor because he is most often a man, with a livelihood and mouths to feed. if you throw him in jail for raping his daughter, or niece/nephew, or neighbours child, who will feed his family? It is easier to dismiss the child or hide the truth than open an ugly can of worms. But as a society, we have to stop shaming victims and protecting paedophiles and rapists. We have to save our children. your child could be the next victim of rape.
