How Do We Let Go Our Fear Of Death and The Afterlife?
When we hear that a person has died, we are interested to know how they died. Even the least curious people struggle to not ask about the details.
When I put up on my Whatsapp Status the picture of a friend that passed on this week, I was inundated with messages shortly afterwards. More of questions I must say.
What happened to him? Was it sudden? Was he ill? Did they have children? How old was he? and a few more questions about his faith.
Our fascination with death and the way it shapes our relationships is routed at the core of the human spirit. It is, after all, an expected destination.
Loss of life is truly sorrowful and the reality of death scares people, it is still an ominous topic, one that people avoid, lest it happens after it is talked about. I remember friends and family ending conversations around death abruptly with someone saying ‘its ok abeg, all this death talk is disturbing. Please let us talk about something else’ and they start to talk about the birth of a baby, marriage, someone who got a big job or a promotion.
Dr Sam Parnia, director of critical care and Resuscitation Research at NYU Langone School of Medicine in New York City, said dying is “very comfortable”. ‘The final result is we have a deduction of oxygen that gets inside the brain when we are about to die and that causes our brain circuits to shut down and we become unconscious to the outside world.’ But the doctor, who has authored several studies and books on the subject of death, said there is a mental process, which has left survivors of near-death experiences longing for death again.
Dr Parnia, who has brought thousands of patients back from the brink, said: “When we die, that experience is not unpleasant for the vast majority of people.
In the book Death and Afterlife: Perspectives of World religions, the concept of death and the afterlife is explored by 13 scholars each a specialist in a particular religious tradition, outline the beliefs and practices relating to death and afterlife for understanding the evolutionary relationships among world religions and the unity as well as the diversity of their quest for overcoming death.
The finality of death and its aftermath is frightening. Though three monotheistic religions; Judaism, Christianity and Islam treat death as a journey, at the end of which the traveller is rewarded for living a righteous life, many do not want to die and when people die the living are thrown into despair, agonising over the cause of death, the type of death; was it a merciful death or a violent one?
Dead people wear a halo. Become untouchable. Except in very few instances where the deceased was tyrannical and despised by many people the emotion that usually accompanies news of death is pity and compassion. Many religions admonish their followers to never speak ill of the dead no matter what.
In many parts of the world, nothing can be worse than death.
Scott D. Smith described death in his article, Coping With The Mystery of Death as ‘Pupils fixed and dilated. No heart sounds. No breath sounds. No pulse.”.
The fear of eternal damnation for some and the divinely favoured fate for others; in simple English, the good ones go straight to heaven and the bad are banished to hell has also contributed to our fear of death. People pray for the miracle of longevity. Old people are ready, repenting of their sins and consciously doing good. While some people are not so lucky meeting their end when they least expected to.
I once asked the vicar of my childhood Anglican church about those that do well all their lives and then one bad thing before dying suddenly. He responded ‘ that's why you should always be ready, never do any bad because you don't know when God will request for your soul’. That answer didn't help my 18-year-old self in any way and I was, even more, perplexed when he added ‘the bible also says, God, will have mercy on whom he will have mercy.’
I lost my father 12 years ago and his death heralded my first crisis of faith. Before his death, I didn't question the existence of a supreme Being. His death was my first life lesson.
The day he was hospitalized I begged God to spare his life. I prayed like I never prayed, begged, decreed, asked for forgiveness, cried. Everything.
Eerily as my father was leaving the house our gazes met and held for a few seconds and I knew I was never going to see him alive again but I brushed the feeling away, rejecting it In Jesus Name.
Apparently God wasn't moved by my tears because he died in hospital the next day. When my sister called and said ‘ daddy just died.’ Something inside me broke. I stopped believing there was anyone watching over anybody and as he was lowered into his new home, a six feet wet muddy ground on a rainy August morning in Obosi, Anambra State and the villagers pilled Fufu and Bitterleaf soup into their plates, eating with relish as our(the family)hearts broke.
In the beginning, I felt pity for him because I noticed that was what almost everyone else feels for people who die before they are old, pity at failing and falling down early.
My father 57 years old with his many complexities, temper tantrums, protectiveness and love for life now forced to live in a box under the ground. He didn't like to be alone and now he must live alone.
I wondered then where he went after his spirit left his body. He didn't believe in the Christian God, never went to church except on a few special occasions. I didn’t think it was heaven, the heaven they told us about in Sunday School, with vague descriptions of bliss and boring singing, clapping and happiness. But as sure as egg is egg I know my father is not in hell.
I also think about where my grandmother went after her death. She was fierce in her refusal to convert to Christianity even when everyone around her was choosing this new religion. She worshipped her traditional gods until her death. She maintained that religion was for peace of mind and a relationship with our creator and protector. It didn't matter how you did it.
She told us she didn't like what the new religion did to people and wished to continue with the religion she was comfortable with.
In Igbo tradition, she has gone to join her forefathers, the burial rites prepared her for this transition into the afterlife, a life that will now involve watching over her family and loved ones that are still on earth.
The afterlife is yet to be demystified. Even though heaven is the destination of all faithful believers of Christ, no one wants to go there early. The only people that can help with accurate information are the dead and this knowledge is not much comfort.
The philosopher David Hume observed that he feared the thought of oblivion at death no more than the idea of nonexistence before birth.
